A

t some point in your wedding ceremony you’re going to 

hear a reference to you and your wife becoming one. It’s a 

great metaphor. It really is. But if you want to 

stay as one, 

here are a few useful tips based on my experience these last 

fifteen years or so.

Don’t take together forever too literally. The best way to remain 

one is to make sure you remain two enough to remember why you 

wanted to become one in the first place. If you’re lucky, you both 

maintained good friendships along the way. Find ways to keep your 

friendships healthy. Take guys’ trips and encourage her to take girls’ 

trips. Grab a beer after work when you can. And no, I don’t mean 

going out to the point where you’re streaking and asking for KFC late 

night. But find a balance that works for both of you.

Date other couples and be open-minded. My wife and I moved 

into a town where we literally knew 

no one. At some point, we started 

socializing with other couples. Most were basically blind dates. One 

particular Sunday we invited a couple over for drinks, barbecue 

and football, only to find out they were Vegan Baptist missionaries 

who didn’t drink or follow any sports… at all. Later I met a loud, 

obnoxious psychology Ph.D. who chain-smoked yet gave nationwide 

talks on how to quit smoking and constantly made crass comments. 

Our wives hit it off, though, and on our first night out there was 

instant chemistry and we became fast friends. We started figuring out 

whom we meshed with, then worked to deepen the friendships where 

it worked and dump the ones that didn’t. This is important because 

having other couples around who you 

really get along with will make 

you a stronger couple. If one or both of you is constantly struggling to 

enjoy your time, then the opposite can occur.

Come up with a plan for your money. In nearly every 

relationship there is one person who is budget-oriented and there is 

one who is not so much (for the latter, picture Jim Carey in 

Dumb and 

Dumber walking down the sidewalk with a huge sombrero, a case of 

beer and a paddle ball game). If you’re so different, how do you share 

money? Do you keep separate finances and pay bills like you did with 

your roommates in college? Or do you combine finances and let the 

budget-conscious one of you manage the money? However you do it, 

managing money with two people is never going to be easy. But you 

must come up with some kind of plan. Try it, change it, adapt and 

ultimately find a financial adviser you both like and trust. Seriously. 

Neither one of you knows nearly as much about money as you think 

you do.

Kidnap your Spouse. Okay, so you’ve made it past your first year. 

Things seem to be going well. You’re still watching Thursday night 

football with all your buddies while she does Bunko. After some dud 

dates, you’ve found a few other couples you like to hang out with 

where sparks fly. You’ve even compromised on finances. There is a 

budget you agree on, you’ve bought your first house, you’re saving 

a little money and you even started a “pillow account” which is code 

for discretionary funds earmarked for absurd unnecessary purchases 

that you don’t have to fight about (yes, I’ve done this before . . . ). But 

then, something happens. Your routines get stale, dinner parties are 

lackluster and you actually found yourself arguing over toilet paper. 

That’s when you must recognize that it’s time to kidnap your spouse. 

It’s very simple, but it works. Pick a destination, book a room, tell your 

spouse to pack a bag, then get the hell out of town because sometimes 

even when you work hard in a relationship and do all the right things, 

you still have to get away from the world you’ve created to remind 

yourself of why you got together in the first place.

Survival Tips for the Modern Groom

story by

 Wes Dannreuther

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EW

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OUTHERN

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ENTLEMAN

January 2017   |   59

59 New Southern Gentleman.indd   1

12/20/16   9:21 AM