A
t some point in your wedding ceremony you’re going to
hear a reference to you and your wife becoming one. It’s a
great metaphor. It really is. But if you want to
stay as one,
here are a few useful tips based on my experience these last
fifteen years or so.
Don’t take together forever too literally. The best way to remain
one is to make sure you remain two enough to remember why you
wanted to become one in the first place. If you’re lucky, you both
maintained good friendships along the way. Find ways to keep your
friendships healthy. Take guys’ trips and encourage her to take girls’
trips. Grab a beer after work when you can. And no, I don’t mean
going out to the point where you’re streaking and asking for KFC late
night. But find a balance that works for both of you.
Date other couples and be open-minded. My wife and I moved
into a town where we literally knew
no one. At some point, we started
socializing with other couples. Most were basically blind dates. One
particular Sunday we invited a couple over for drinks, barbecue
and football, only to find out they were Vegan Baptist missionaries
who didn’t drink or follow any sports… at all. Later I met a loud,
obnoxious psychology Ph.D. who chain-smoked yet gave nationwide
talks on how to quit smoking and constantly made crass comments.
Our wives hit it off, though, and on our first night out there was
instant chemistry and we became fast friends. We started figuring out
whom we meshed with, then worked to deepen the friendships where
it worked and dump the ones that didn’t. This is important because
having other couples around who you
really get along with will make
you a stronger couple. If one or both of you is constantly struggling to
enjoy your time, then the opposite can occur.
Come up with a plan for your money. In nearly every
relationship there is one person who is budget-oriented and there is
one who is not so much (for the latter, picture Jim Carey in
Dumb and
Dumber walking down the sidewalk with a huge sombrero, a case of
beer and a paddle ball game). If you’re so different, how do you share
money? Do you keep separate finances and pay bills like you did with
your roommates in college? Or do you combine finances and let the
budget-conscious one of you manage the money? However you do it,
managing money with two people is never going to be easy. But you
must come up with some kind of plan. Try it, change it, adapt and
ultimately find a financial adviser you both like and trust. Seriously.
Neither one of you knows nearly as much about money as you think
you do.
Kidnap your Spouse. Okay, so you’ve made it past your first year.
Things seem to be going well. You’re still watching Thursday night
football with all your buddies while she does Bunko. After some dud
dates, you’ve found a few other couples you like to hang out with
where sparks fly. You’ve even compromised on finances. There is a
budget you agree on, you’ve bought your first house, you’re saving
a little money and you even started a “pillow account” which is code
for discretionary funds earmarked for absurd unnecessary purchases
that you don’t have to fight about (yes, I’ve done this before . . . ). But
then, something happens. Your routines get stale, dinner parties are
lackluster and you actually found yourself arguing over toilet paper.
That’s when you must recognize that it’s time to kidnap your spouse.
It’s very simple, but it works. Pick a destination, book a room, tell your
spouse to pack a bag, then get the hell out of town because sometimes
even when you work hard in a relationship and do all the right things,
you still have to get away from the world you’ve created to remind
yourself of why you got together in the first place.
Survival Tips for the Modern Groom
story by
Wes Dannreuther
N
EW
S
OUTHERN
G
ENTLEMAN
January 2017 | 59
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